Thursday, September 17, 2009

Basterds, Alien Robots, & Talking Dogs:The 10 best & worst films of Summer Pt. 2

Now its time for the bad news...

The 10 Most Disappointing films of Summer 2009

10. Angels & Demons - The latest thriller, starring Tom Hanks as everyone's favorite professor of Symbology, Robert Langdon, wasn't bad. In fact, the only thing that disappointed me was the last act of the film. The repercussions of having left a major character out caught up with them and the significant changing of the film's climactic scene spoiled the chances to watch Robert Langdon free-fall from a helicopter, something I'd been excited about seeing on film since I read the book. All in all it was a good, but not great movie. Just enough to disappoint a lover of Dan Brown's Angels & Demons

9. Land of The Lost - A couple hundred viewings (not by choice) of this trailer was all it took to tell me it was a disappointment. Even beyond that, who wants to see Will Ferral ruin another one of their favorite classic TV shows. Don't forget, after he got his hands on Bewitched it was about as "bewitching" as a Witch's wart.

8. The Taking of Pelham 123 - This film was destined to disappoint me; mainly because the original Taking Of Pelham 123, starring Walter Mathou, was just SO GOOD. The one thing positive I can say about the film is they did a good job updating it to fit the current issues facing our society. But, the fact remains, there shouldn't be a giant car chase set piece in any film resembling The Taking of Pelham 123, it just doesn't fit.

7. X - Men Origins: Wolverine - This one just hurt. I was so excited for Gavin Hood's film about the origin of everyone's favorite mutant, that is, until the film had been on for about an hour. The film overflows with cheese. Hugh Jackman is does good with the little he has. The surprise standout though is Liev Schrieber as Victor Creed, the absolute last person I ever expected to be good in this film. The best scenes are in the beginning, when Wolverine is still a part of Stryker's mutant task force. We get a tease of a good movie thanks in large part to Ryan Reynolds too brief appearence as wise-cracking Deadpool. Beyond this though, the movie just fails to deliver. The pacing was so bad it felt 3 hours long instead of 2. Also, someone should remind Gavin Hood that the events surrounding the origin of Wolverine happened a long time before the events of X-Men 1-3, since they didn't do a great job establishing what time period we were in and it all looked too "new millenium".

6. Imagine That - The only reason this makes my list is because I saw it. Why, you might ask, would I subject myself to a film that would obviously disappoint? Well, there just isn't enough to do on a long airplane flight. If I hadn't seen the film, I wouldn't be wishing for almost 2 hours of my life back and would have gone on without thinking about how bad the film was. Eddie, if you're reading this, (hahahah i crack myself up) STOP MAKING FAMILY FILMS. I miss the wise-ass, foul mouthed Eddie Murphy. The Eddie Murphy from 48 hrs who walked into a predominantly white, blue collar bar and pissed off everyone inside, just for the hell of it. I also miss Axel Foley. DID YOU SEE THAT EDDIE, I WOULD RATHER WATCH AXEL FOLEY CHASE BAD GUYS IN WALLY WORLD THEN SEE ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SHITTY FAMILY FILMS. Ok....moving on....

5. Public Enemies - Its a shame Michael Mann's film about John Dillinger wasn't better, for if it had been, I believe it might have gotten Johnny Depp an Oscar. He was brilliant as Dillinger, too bad the film was, at times, poorly shot and clunky. The worst thing was, at the end of the film, almost nothing had actually happened, save for a bunch of people dying. Bad Chrisitan Bale Summer acting job #1

4. Bruno - I had high hopes for Sacha Baron Cohen's follow up to his hysterical and culturally aware film Borat. Unfortunately, he failed to deliver. Don't get me wrong, the film had several funny moments, but what made Borat so interesting to me was how it was so funny and crude yet so culturally aware at the same time. Bruno only succeeds at being very crude and funny.

3. Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen - Oh Michael Bay, how you suck. As my friend would say, Michael Bay sucked the summer's dick. 149 minutes of loud, dumb movie that was basicaly the same thing he put out in 2007, only the first one was better. The effects were nice, as they were in the first, but the racist annoying robots weren't a welcome addition. Nor were the new annoying human characters. The funny thing is, the movie actually got good for a few minutes when John Tuturro's character showed up. Roger Ebert sums the film up perfectly: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments."

2. Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince - Most of my friends who are even interested in Harry Potter have already heard me rant enough. The bottom line is the film focused on the wrong things and left out crucial information needed for the final installments in the films of the Harry Potter books. The film also felt way too much like a wierd fantastical romantic comedy of sorts, something HP should never be.

1. Terminator Salvation - Ok, first the positives. Sam Worthington's performance was great. He single handedly stole the movie from Christian Bale. The effects were magnificent, as was the representation of the bleak world of the future. Everything else was mostly stupid and pointless (im looking at you MOON BLOODGOOD). The film suceeded in the worst thing it could have done: make me feel like I would rather watch the pretty much awful Terminator 3. McG made some good choices regarding the use of prosthetics over complete CGI, but made a terrible choice in having Danny Elfman score the film. When I think of a bleak futuristic Terminator film I do NOT think of Elfman. A Danny Elfman Terminator Salvation score would be best set to images of Terminator robots flashing jazzhands; his music is just too "peppy" for conveying a bleak future. Bottom line, Terminator Salvation was all talk with little deliver. Bad Christian Bale Summer Acting job #2

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